Many couples say that one of the disadvantages of marriage is that, after being together for many years, there is nothing new to learn about each other. This is a very sad state when it happens. It goes to mean that they have stopped developing as individuals or as a couple. It is true that some people do stagnate (if we look at it from the society’s conventional point of view), but it not a cause for concern if it is done by choice and, as a result, they are happier in their stagnation. Normally, people are driven by a desire to seek new experiences. Being in the comfort zone, provided with the essential security is rational. Most people choose to remain to be where they are right now, because it is comfortable. But whether it is a rural rice farmer or a jet-set business person, some change is always sought to make a person feel “alive.” Even those people who resist or abhor “change” are usually commenting on their dislike of certain social and technological changes, rather than the way in which they are developing as people. Change is constant—even in human beings. We change from child to adolescent to adult to parent to grandparent. It is along this dimension lie a host of new experiences that stimulate us. It is our source of learning so that we can discover something new about ourselves and about life.
When couples say that there is nothing new to learn from each other, it is only caused by stereotyped patterns of communication, unless, of course, that they do not like one another or they have no interest in their partner at all.
People have a tendency to get into the habit of talking about certain subjects in a routinary manner. They talk about children, holiday plans, jobs, plans for the house, etc. The danger happens when the format becomes ritualized into one’s daily living. Men and women, however, will always have their own attitudes toward, and beliefs about parenting, their expectations in a marriage, religion, politics, culture, entertainment, hobbies, etc. It is surprising to find out not how much we do know about our partner but how little we know. When one or both feel that there is a taboo against talking about certain subjects or topics, sometimes this happens; but much more often this is caused by too much preoccupation of the daily activities and tasks of family life. The couple then relates to one another in a stereotyped way as a result of this.
Copyright © 2011 Athena Goodlight
