Best Responses for the Most Common Tactless Party Greeting

What is the most common party greeting after "hi" and "hello?" I don't know how it goes in other countries or cultures, but among Filipinos, it is most often like this:

Hi! "Tumaba ka" or "ang taba mo" (you're fat)
Hi! "Ang payat mo" (you're thin)

Whether in the Philippines or outside of the country, you can easily spot many Filipinos greeting each other this way - tactlessness at its finest. It has become an infamously normal greeting among many folks, women in particular.

This expression of impropriety has to come from somewhere. It was formed from a deeper social core - family.  Some people just find it difficult to say something nice. You just have to understand that they may have grown to be criticized all their life, or they are simply unethical and insecure about you. 

How do you reply to these unethical remarks?
I have thought of some which you can use:

Greeter : "Ang taba mo" (you're fat)
You: "Yes, I know. I can afford to eat whatever I want now"
Greeter: "Uy tumaba ka" (you've become fatter)
You: "Because I'm rich now. It's a sign of affluence"

Greeter: "Ang taba mo na" (you're now fat)
You: "I've been chosen to model for a full-figured women magazine. Many find full women sexier, haven't you heard?... Oh you're so outdated!"

Greeter : "Ang taba mo" (you're fat)
You: "Oh, yes! and I'm happy, too. My hot husband / boyfriend spoils me so much."

Greeter : "Ang taba mo" (you're fat)
You: "Yes, I'd rather have this than yours!"

The list can go on endlessly, but this is all for now. Love your figure as long as you're healthy and happy, you'll do fine! Enjoy the party! 

If you are not happy about it, maybe you can also consider losing the unwanted weight and come back to the next beach party in your sexiest clothes as a revenge. 

image from Sattva/